1. You need to add the studio ident and distributor info 2. You could do with some music to underscore the scene, and some sort of sound effect underneath the reveal of the stalker. 3. You could use a sound effect to create the ambient sound of the street which would help with some of the camera click 4. You need the reverse angle of Manny before the edit to the stalker - doesn't make sense otherwise. 5. Need to make more of Manny's reaction at 0.23, and hold the shot wherer the stalker should be at 0.35 6. Some of the edits at the 0.33-34 s mark are very glitchy 7. Weird edit at 0.38s - makes no sense (how does she get to the gate?) 8. I would cut at 0.42s before Manny goes out of shot, then go to the reverse 9. Again, I think hold more on the stalker at about 0.55 10. How does Manny get to the table? 11. Odd camerawork at 1.02 - need to do something with this zoom in and out... Possibly add a ghosting effect? 12. Is the shot of the girl in the mirror at 1.52 deliberate? If so, why does Manny not react in the next shot?
I think this is better - there is more variety that the previous version - and some of the continuity works. But you need to make it a little more surreal, to create the effect that she is having some sort of strange experience. Maybe play with the colours or add some warping effects. There are obviously no titles on this - perhaps we could use these to break up the piece and solve the continuity glitches?
1. You need to add the studio ident and distributor info
ReplyDelete2. You could do with some music to underscore the scene, and some sort of sound effect underneath the reveal of the stalker.
3. You could use a sound effect to create the ambient sound of the street which would help with some of the camera click
4. You need the reverse angle of Manny before the edit to the stalker - doesn't make sense otherwise.
5. Need to make more of Manny's reaction at 0.23, and hold the shot wherer the stalker should be at 0.35
6. Some of the edits at the 0.33-34 s mark are very glitchy
7. Weird edit at 0.38s - makes no sense (how does she get to the gate?)
8. I would cut at 0.42s before Manny goes out of shot, then go to the reverse
9. Again, I think hold more on the stalker at about 0.55
10. How does Manny get to the table?
11. Odd camerawork at 1.02 - need to do something with this zoom in and out... Possibly add a ghosting effect?
12. Is the shot of the girl in the mirror at 1.52 deliberate? If so, why does Manny not react in the next shot?
I think this is better - there is more variety that the previous version - and some of the continuity works. But you need to make it a little more surreal, to create the effect that she is having some sort of strange experience. Maybe play with the colours or add some warping effects. There are obviously no titles on this - perhaps we could use these to break up the piece and solve the continuity glitches?