1. We will add the studio ident on once the fine cut is finished. Which distributor would you like to use? We will need to find an ident for them (easy enough) 2. You will need to change the order of your credits - director and producer credits usually come at the end of the title sequence 3. We could do with making the lightening a little less intrusive - watch the open sequence of the most recent series of Doctor Who for an example 4. Have you done anything with the sound? It sounds a little odd...? What are you trying to do with this? 5. There is no editing at all in the first 30s - it will be hard to credit you for this, or indeed for using a range of shots... 6. It's odd that the titles flash up the way they do... What is the effect you're trying to go for? 7. There's a very glitchy cut at 1 min - maybe cross-fade here? Although I think you will need to do something with the opening minute... 8. There seems to be a glitch at 1.21 - as if the camera has been turned off, then on again...? 9. Again at 1.49 10. Although it's inventive that you've shot it POV, this is not a particularly inventive piece - by 2.18, it's still unclear what's going on. Also, despite all the advice you've been given, you've not included anything like the required credits, nor a range of shots/ camera-angles. It doesn't sound like you've done anything to the sound either... 11. What happens at 2.46...? 12. This is not a great piece, Manny - there's barely any editing and there's no variation of shot. Although there is a sense of narrative, the problem is that it looks like it was shot in a very simplistic way. Really, if you're trying to create a narrative about someone who O'Ds, you're going to have to shoot some more which demonstrates this aspect. We need to understand who the character is, what has driven her to this. I would suggest shooting a sequence to cross-cut with this showing your character being driven to suicide, perhaps with a voice-over. I think you will need to shoot about 60-90s more footage - basically a narrative about something happening to your character? Have a think over half term. But at the moment, the piece as it stands would only get into Level 2 - D-grade terratory.
PRIORITIES: 1. Look again at opening sequences and make careful notes of how the credits actually work, and the kind of credits there are 2. Think about the story. How is the audience going to know what is happening? Who is the audience? Who, for that matter, is being represented here? How are they being represented? 3. What are you trying to say here? What is the message? Why does the character do what s/he does? Where is the story going?
Hope this is not too disheartening for you, but you will have to do a lot of work on this over the next few weeks...
1. We will add the studio ident on once the fine cut is finished. Which distributor would you like to use? We will need to find an ident for them (easy enough)
ReplyDelete2. You will need to change the order of your credits - director and producer credits usually come at the end of the title sequence
3. We could do with making the lightening a little less intrusive - watch the open sequence of the most recent series of Doctor Who for an example
4. Have you done anything with the sound? It sounds a little odd...? What are you trying to do with this?
5. There is no editing at all in the first 30s - it will be hard to credit you for this, or indeed for using a range of shots...
6. It's odd that the titles flash up the way they do... What is the effect you're trying to go for?
7. There's a very glitchy cut at 1 min - maybe cross-fade here? Although I think you will need to do something with the opening minute...
8. There seems to be a glitch at 1.21 - as if the camera has been turned off, then on again...?
9. Again at 1.49
10. Although it's inventive that you've shot it POV, this is not a particularly inventive piece - by 2.18, it's still unclear what's going on. Also, despite all the advice you've been given, you've not included anything like the required credits, nor a range of shots/ camera-angles. It doesn't sound like you've done anything to the sound either...
11. What happens at 2.46...?
12. This is not a great piece, Manny - there's barely any editing and there's no variation of shot. Although there is a sense of narrative, the problem is that it looks like it was shot in a very simplistic way. Really, if you're trying to create a narrative about someone who O'Ds, you're going to have to shoot some more which demonstrates this aspect. We need to understand who the character is, what has driven her to this. I would suggest shooting a sequence to cross-cut with this showing your character being driven to suicide, perhaps with a voice-over. I think you will need to shoot about 60-90s more footage - basically a narrative about something happening to your character? Have a think over half term. But at the moment, the piece as it stands would only get into Level 2 - D-grade terratory.
PRIORITIES:
1. Look again at opening sequences and make careful notes of how the credits actually work, and the kind of credits there are
2. Think about the story. How is the audience going to know what is happening? Who is the audience? Who, for that matter, is being represented here? How are they being represented?
3. What are you trying to say here? What is the message? Why does the character do what s/he does? Where is the story going?
Hope this is not too disheartening for you, but you will have to do a lot of work on this over the next few weeks...